Now Get Out Sound Pack

HE WILL GET YOU UP. HE WILL NOT BE NICE ABOUT IT.

Ten alarms, ringtones and text tones in the voice of the Professor from Man Explains Everything. For iPhone and Android, both in the one download.

Something has to get you out of bed every morning. It may as well be a man who is disappointed in you.

THIS WAS THE APPRENTICE'S IDEA

This pack exists because the Apprentice, who is in first grade, suggested it. She was right. Most good ideas come from people who are not me, and I find that deeply annoying. Thank you, Apprentice.

WHAT YOU GET

One download, two folders:
• iPhone: all ten sounds as .m4r files
• Android: all ten sounds as .mp3 files
Plus a HOW TO USE sheet, written for humans.

THE TEN SOUNDS, AND EXACTLY WHAT HE SAYS

Alarm 1, The Build
"Right. It is morning. I checked. Up you get. No, not in five minutes. Now. Feet on the floor. Both of them. You are going to be late, and you are going to blame the traffic, you overheated duvet. Now. Get out!"

Alarm 2, The Lecture
"Good morning. That was sarcasm. You have been asleep for hours and learned nothing. Sit up. Eyes open. Yes, both of them. The day has started without you, and frankly it is doing better. Now. Get out!"

Alarm 3, Up
"Up. Up! I said up, you abandoned slipper. Now. Get out!"

Ringtone 1, Somebody Wants To Talk To You
"Somebody wants to talk to you. I cannot think why. Answer it."

Ringtone 2, Your Telephone Is Ringing
"Your telephone is ringing. It has been ringing for some time. Pick it up, you stubborn mattress."

Ringtone 3, I Will Not Get It
"Telephone. Yes, yours. No, I will not get it."

Text Tone 1, Message
"Message."

Text Tone 2, Brace Yourself
"Somebody wrote to you. Brace yourself."

Text Tone 3, Just This Once
"Look. Just this once."

Now Get Out
"Now. Get out!"

HOW TO USE IT

iPhone: get the .m4r files onto your phone. On a Mac, plug the iPhone in, open Finder, select the iPhone and drag the files onto its window. On Windows, do the same with iTunes or the Apple Devices app. Then go to Settings, Sounds and Haptics for a ringtone or text tone, or Clock, Alarms, Sound for an alarm. They sit under Ringtones.

Android: copy the .mp3 files onto your phone. Then pick one in your Clock app as an alarm sound, or in Settings, Sound, as a ringtone or notification. Every Android maker names these menus slightly differently. You will cope.

READ THIS BIT

The alarms and ringtones repeat until you deal with them. That is the point. If you were hoping for gentle birdsong, you gently steaming kettle, you are in the wrong shop.

These are for your own phone. Please do not pass them round. The money goes to the show.